Can you be in silence with your partner? Can you be in silence alone?

When we get into a relationship, when we get to know a new person, everything is exciting. We have endless conversations, we feel the vibes and we cannot stop to engage in some activity, that brings us energy and in some way, closer together. In other words, it kicks us into an ultimate high. 

And what happens next is inevitable: if we enjoy the high as if there was nothing else to life, the disappointment is huge when daily life kicks in. When we go back to “normal”. To explain this phenomenon in simple words – here is what happens: we are basically in a waiting state. Waiting for this beautiful thing – love – to happen. And when we finally have it, we welcome it, we let it in and we think that finally, we found “it”. What happens, in reality, is: we lost “it”. Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with it, and it is part of “falling” in love. 

But there is one thing about falling you should keep in mind: falling is dangerous if it happens without control. And by saying control, I do not necessarily mean control over emotions, or being deeply connected with the significant other. In fact, you should look forward to experiencing just this. When I say control, I simply mean something, that to some people comes naturally, others have to be reminded: you are not only being in a relationship, but you are an individual as well. You existed before the relationship and you had dreams before. You only fall uncontrolled, if you give up all of these dreams just to be in the relationship if you give up being ok with being alone if you give up doing something completely egoistic just for yourself for the sake of the relationship. If you need your partner’s approval for everything you do, for every decision you make. And yes, there are decisions that are crucial to the relationship, that you discuss, but you do not have to discuss every little piece of thought with your partner. 

And as a very important step to a successful relationship is the question of whether you can be in silence together or not. Being in silence means being alone with your thoughts. When being with your partner – not after 15 years, but at the beginning of a new relationship – can you just be you, without saying a word? Or do you feel uncomfortable? Do you engage in thoughts about what he might think, do you try to fill the silence? If your answer to this is yes, I would suggest, that previous to be in a relationship, you try to spend some time on your own. Alone. 

And by saying this, I mean no television, no music, no cooking, no books. Nothing. Just you and your thoughts. Your homework is to make peace with who you are. Your homework is finding peace in being with yourself. To a point, where you do not have to think about anything but just enjoy the company of nothing, not even a thought. 

This is when you are ready to move on to be with your significant other. And enjoy the peace that comes along with unconditional love.

Lots of love,
Tina