All I want is love, and all I get is fight

How you can replace fights in your relationship by something better

I guess, sometimes it just happens: you want to have a good time with your partner, (re)connect, or just spend some time and feel the love. But what happens is that you get into a huge fight. Let’s take a look into the why and what you can do to get something better.

First of all, let’s look at the word love: what is love? Love is not a thing, you cannot see it, but you can feel it; it is an energy that you feel inside your own body, and it is connected to something good, positive – happiness most of the time. It energizes you and motivates you to be the best version of yourself. Beautiful right? And that energy is influencing your entire life. When we talk about love in a relationship, we mostly connect this energy and feeling to one particular person.

Here is the danger

When you did not yet learn about unconditional love, the form of energy that connects you to the whole universe, all beings in a loving and understanding way, it might happen that once you found love in a relationship, your happiness will start to depend on this other person. This is why a breakup is so horrible many times, because we feel like we lose the only source of love in our life.

And this is actually also what causes the problems in the relationship itself: the dependency on the love of your partner. I mean, of course, if you are in a relationship and consider to continue in this relationship, you will expect your partner to love you. But how happy are you in your own life, in moments when you struggle, when your partner is not showing you a lot of affection, or taking long times at their job, being unavailable when they come home? Or simply wants to spend a bit more time with their hobby or friends?

See, if you sit and wait for the moment your partner will finally get back and show you how much they love you, you are screwed. You plan this wonderful romantic evening, and it can turn out the way you want, but chances are it won’t. Your expectations were high, and your needs were too. And they didn’t fully give you what you needed, so your urge for love remains unsatisfied.

Here is what happens

Whether you bring it up or not, your partner will sense the energy of unhappiness in you. You can hide it as much as you want, if they are not completely insensitive, they know you and sense that there is something going on. It might not even happen immediately, but at some point, it will explode and the fight will happen. Why?

Because now both of you feel the lack of love. And as the reassurance did not happen in a loving way, you might internally doubt that your partner is still in love with you. Whatever you did, you did not get a proof for their love in a positive way. What you feel now is probably some kind of resentment, and when this is not bearable anymore, the fight will happen.

So far on the conscious side. What is happening unconsciously is that you are still in need of a proof of their love, of the energy that is holding you two together. And although you were not able to get it in a positive way, there is another way to get it: If someone is willing to fight with you, and still stays with you, that is in fact a proof of their love. Fight sets free a lot of energy, and even though this energy seems to separate you at first, the will to make it through the fight and make it work again is love.

Not a very romantic way, but hey: I know people who actually are ok to fight because they believe sex is so much better afterwards, and high energy is the reason.

Should we continue to fight then?

No, absolutely not. Now that you are aware of what might be the reason behind your fight, it is time to figure out more, and healthier ways to make your partner feel your love, the positive side of it. A good way to deal with it is to set regular date nights and times, when you spend “couple time” together.

Tip for men: be romantic. Get these flowers. Dress up. Do the little things like you did at the beginning.

Tip for women: it might not be perfect from the start. However, don’t take the good things for granted. Better enjoy what they do and let go of what they didn’t. If there is something you absolutely missed, be grateful for what you got and make a wish list for next time, which you are allowed to share before the next date night.

Sending you love, light, and a great time when preparing to make your relationships bloom again.

Sometimes things get easier when you open your heart. Read more here.