Co-Dependency in relationships

In this article, I will discuss on Co-Dependency in relationships, but not the mental illness, but the more common form, that is happening within relationships where the two partners do not have any form of mental illness. 

And still, co-dependency does happen, more often, then we might think of. And it starts in our childhood, but this perfectly normal. At an early stage of our life, as kids, we are dependent on our parents, they feed us emotionally and with real food. Later on, step by step, ideally, we develop independence. This might not be the case if we suffer some trauma, then we might stay at a stage of dependency. 

First, we need to understand, that dependency and co-dependency are basically the same things because, in some way, there is a dependency and a co-dependency on both sides, because one does not work without the other. 

If we speak of co-dependency, we typically think of a person who helps another one that is struggling, but if it is real co-dependency, this person is struggling as well, as a matter of fact, they need to help others as a form to create their identity. 

Usually, only the co-dependent person is likely to give completely up their own life and identity to satisfy the partner’s needs. And this does not necessarily only happen in romantic relationships, a co-dependent person might also do this in regular friendships or even at the workplace, to recieve the feeling of being worthy, of being loved. So we can easily see that it is a form of dependency, in the form of the need for appreciation. 

So likewise the dependent person, the co-dependent person has to create and form their own personality first, has to step out of dependency by healing the past pain and then, as a next step, into creating their own meaning, their own happiness, and their own life. 

How to deal with a co-dependent person in a relationship? If you spot that your partner is creating their full happiness just on your happiness, you might need to have a talk. What seems to be romantic at the beginning, might end up being seriously weighing on your shoulders, because what if you are not happy one day? Help them by creating awareness. Share what you feel. It is not an easy topic, as they might feel you push them away, and they are not enough. They might seek help, to get over this faster and easier. And so might you. 

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Lots of love, 

Tina