Do you have an open heart?

I had a conversation today, that inspired me to write this article. It was about people who have their hearts open, or not only have them open, but truly connect to people who have their hearts open and risk keeping them open, even though they feel love.

In general, I think everyone tries their best to follow their hearts. Depending on where they stand, that might look very different. Let’s take a deep dive into this topic today.

What does it mean to follow the heart? It means that when it comes to making a decision, you would choose what you feel over what you think. Which is great. But why does that not always work well for us?

That is simply because of the ego. The ego has very many and very tricky ways to make you believe you follow the heart, meanwhile it is in charge of the direction. How does that look like, and why are we not aware of it?

If you haven’t yet healed your innermost fears, the ego shows up in the form of “need”. It will tell you things like: I need my partner to hug me, to send me a message in the morning, to be there for me any time I need them, to read my thoughts… I am deliberately overdoing it a bit to make it obvious, so you get the point. The ego will tell you what you need and what your relationship needs to look like. And although these needs might be connected to the real needs of your heart, the ego bases the continuation of love and relationship on the fulfillment of these needs, and is even ready to fight for getting them fulfilled.

In other words, the ego is telling you things like: if they don’t do xyz, they don’t love me. So what are you likely to do if you follow the ego’s “advice”? You might try to make them prove their love to you, by fulfilling your wishes according to your ego. And now you are in trouble, because once the ego is searching proof for what it already believes (in that case that they don’t love you), it will find proof for sure.

But it gets even trickier: Once you are aware of these tricks, but didn’t yet get rid of your fears, it will set you up with people who are just like you. They will approach you with an open heart, but once they understand you like or love them, they will build inner walls to protect themselves from pain. You could be in a relationship with a person like this forever, you just don’t ever get close to them. We all know relationships like this: these people are together, but they don’t actually look truly happy. And probably this is the kind of relationship you are not looking for.

This being said, you can see why it is so difficult to really meet someone with an open heart: because you have to do the job of healing. Because you have to overcome the innermost fears. And you have to keep your heart open, even if someone else connects to you and you are at risk that they really see you, for everything that you are. Exposed in your soul. The true you.

The scary it is, the wonderful it is when it happens, the most beautiful experience. It is when you wish to sit in the presence of the person without saying a word. Forever. Connected. Truly from the heart. This is the moment when you understand why you did what you did, why you had to go through and heal all of what you were not: because you need to be the true you to meet here in the field of love.


If you want to dive deeper into the topic, continue reading: What happens to your relationships if you finally overcome your fears?