SR Live Talk Part 6: What are double binds in relationships and communication?

Alright, this is a very technical term, but once I gave you an example, you will note that this happens very frequently, especially with toxic people.

A double bind means that – no matter what you do – the result is the same. A positive example of double binds are the beginning stages of relationships: when you get to know someone, that you fall in love with, then at the beginning, whatever they do, it will just make you love them more. Even though the things, that later on in the relationship, will start to annoy you, but at the beginning, you just think this is cute.

And the negative double bind – well, this is very likely to happen in a relationship at a later stage, likely before the couple is about to break up: whatever you do seems to have the same result: it is wrong.

So what can you do about double binds? As long as they are of the first type, you most certainly do not want to do anything about them. Still, it is a good time to practice awareness. As when negativity comes in, you will need this awareness to address it to your partner.

How to do that: wait for a good time to talk. Bring examples, but do not get emotional about them, just tell them rationally what happened and the problems that you see is a result of this.

If your partner has some kind of awareness too, they will be happy because this is where they can grow as an individual, as a human being.

If they are not, and this communication probalby results in you being wrong again… you have to think about how far you can take this and if the pros and cons of the relationship are still in balance.

Do you need some help?